As a cartoonist, I’m often second-guessing myself regarding how I set up a strip and deliver a punchline. For any given strip, I often have 2 or 3 layouts/dialogues in mind and try to winnow it down to the one that works best. However, I often wonder if what works best for me is what works best for readers. Therefore, I thought it might be an interesting exercise to ask the readers. Looking at the Tuesday strip and the alternate version below (click to view unsquashed version) which one do you think works best? Why?
Thank you.
Both are great, However I think that this one is slightly better, just for the extra reference.
Fair enough. I’m always trying to shorten the dialogue, but in this case, the extra cut may have been a bit too much…
I agree, I think the second one is better, but for different reasons: the building tension from that scene in the movie translates well in the second comic due to the dialogue. So, you’ve got that buildup of seriousness. Then, your punchline disrupts it with a large dose of silliness.
The original comic, on the other hand, read flatter: “That’s no moon”—>”Oh, you’re right”—> “Starbucks!!!”. The silliness of the quote loses a lot of its effect because the change in tone isn’t as drastic.
I think we can all agree that I’m better the second time around then… I understand what you are saying, my good sir!
Both are good, but this one (Get us out of here!) is better because it is in keeping with the original movie dialog.
Thanks. Good feedback all!