I realize that comics about the weather are the equivalent of slow, small-talk at parties, but hey, one of the reasons that Slightly Off-Topic is so that I can vent at the inconveniences and “r”-tards of the world, and at the moment, winter is providing plenty of both! To the people of Ann Arbor, I would like to make something perfectly clear.Salt is very, very abundant on this planet. While it is true that the State of Michigan ran out of salt. It is not because salt is unavailable. It is because prior to winter, the state makes a semi-educated WAG on the amount of salt they need, purchase said amount of salt, and spend any remaining monies on
kewpie dolls or some such. In this case, they guessed badly and ran out.

This should not, by any means, be taken to mean that there is no salt available.

Let me repeat for clarity:

This should not, by any means, be taken to mean that there is no salt available.

I assure you that if you walk in to Kroger or Meijer or Ace or virtually any commerce center in Ann Arbor, you will find the same salt that has been on sale all year for about $4 for a 30-pound bag. Really. I, myself, bought a new bag yesterday, and my sidewalk is a shining example of non-icy goodness. Christ, if my brothers and I had ever let our sidewalks get as bad as you folks are routinely leaving yours, my father (Leon) would have left our backsides blistered for a week!

It’s kind of a social contract here guys. You own a home in a town. The public sidewalk passes through said property, and you are expected to keep it clean. Heck, considering how litigious this country has become of late, I’m surprised that fear of lawsuits isn’t enough to get you outside and cleaning up your walks. Just because the city does a terrible job on the streets doesn’t mean that you should ignore the sidewalks.

Maybe you’re not ignoring them though. As a non-home-owner, maybe I am simply unaware of a game currently underway in town. Maybe there is a prize for deepest skull-crash induced sidewalk cavity or for most artistic blood-spatter. Or maybe Nike is quietly paying people off to ignore there walks in order to push their latest extreme sport: Winter Walking! For whatever reason, such behavior has to stop now before someone (you can read that as “me”) gets seriously hurt. Thank you…